Awareness
by FraiseDandelion
Summary: Suddenly The Evil Queen didn't seemed that evil. Missing year fic, Little John/Regina friendship with a dash of OutlawQueen.


**Title**: Awareness

**Summary**: Suddenly The Evil Queen didn't seemed that _evil_.

**Disclaimer**: OwnNothingSadFace

**Timeline**: The Missing Year (I am so obsessed with this timeline! I know what they showed us was enough, but deep down I wish we could've seen more of it.)

**A/N:** I started this with the intention of writing something funny but it grew and grew and now I'm a whimpering-sobbing mess with lots of OQ feels. Also I don't even know why I like Little John so much, I just love him! Anyways, Enjoy! And please let me know how I did.

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><p><span><em>Awareness<em>

I/I

_These peasants celebrate every fucking thing._

Those were the first words that crossed her mind.

She huffed and rolled her eyes, letting herself fall with a hard _thump_ on the wooden bench that overlooked the forest. Behind her the celebration was in full swing, a big fire ignited in the middle of the field as people from all ages danced around it, a few melodies could be heard around the camp. It was a small victory, taking back the castle, deep down Regina knew it came as an easy task, far too easy and it didn't seemed right from the first time but her encounter later with her sister confirmed her suspicions, this was exactly what she wanted. But the peasants didn't needed to know that, no, the peasants should just remain in their line of thought, celebrating even the smallest of victories. She refused at first but then she relented when she caught the sights of their troubled faces. She cursed them 30 years ago, the least she could do is allow them to celebrate, allow them to a few days of happiness before they'd all go back to worrying about the Wicked Witch. So that's what they did, they gathered all sorts of food & sweets, beers & wines, percussions & lutes, and suddenly the dark castle full of pain and sorrow was filled with the sound of music, laughter and light. People from all realms coming to the castle once they'd heard of the returning of their leader and savior, Snow White.

A couple who were completely inebriated slumped towards where the queen sat. The woman, who was no older than 22 years old, tripped on unsteady feet on the way to the bench, the momentum of the misstep causing the beer from her cup to slump forward and forward until finally landing on the queen's back, the cold dark yellow liquid causing the queen to stand suddenly and tense. The young woman stepped back, her sudden insobriety making itself know as she lowered herself to the ground, kneeled before the queen and cried knowing deep inside that the woman in front of her would not hold back on her rage. A few people around the fire stopped their dancing and stared at the scene unfolding in front of them. Regina felt her heart grow hot, closed her fist and stood up. Turned to the couple behind her, an annoyed look on her face. She wanted to scream at the woman, curse her for ruining her dress, for making her sticky, for humiliating her, oh she wanted that, but she couldn't. Something inside her wouldn't allow her to. Instead of showing no mercy, instead of being bitter at her, something inside caused her to soften her face, shook her head and utter a _Don't worry, it's only a dress_ all the while smiling down at the girl and ushering her up. The twenty two year old looked up towards the queen and shook her head _"Your majesty I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," _tears falling from her eyes, sobs shaking her body whole, completely confused as to why this queen was suddenly being _good._

"Dear, hey, don't worry," she kneeled in front of the woman "it's okay, we're celebrating so don't let a grumpy old queen get in the way of this. This never happened."

The queen whispered and offered a small smile & wink, stood up and helped the woman to her unsteady feet, at this the woman nodded and scampered off with her boyfriend who pulled her to him and muttered the queen a thanks, never meeting her eyes. Regina swallowed, Henry would've loved her right in that moment, would've told her he was proud of how far she'd gotten. But Henry wasn't here and instead of feeling proud of herself, she felt guilty. Guilty for all the pain she'd inflicted upon everyone in one way or another, guilty because the girl had clearly heard form the thing's she's done or worst, she has lived the queen's tortures, guilty because the girl was too shaken up, fear screaming through her eyes. Fear of The Queen. A few years ago Regina only wanted to be feared, hated, respected, but not today, in fact not ever. Tears invaded her eyes and she turned back to gaze at the forest, a sudden cold making itself present on her bones. She wrapped her arms around herself as tears began to fall. She missed Henry, her cute little son with her whole heart, wished she would've gotten more time to love him, wished she would've had the opportunity to bring him to the forest, showing him his roots. A sob escaped her lips, her heart beating furiously in her chest trying to regulate her blood pressure. She was so caught up in her little reverie that she didn't noticed a form sitting beside her, it wasn't until the person handed her a big cup full of dark beer that she wiped at her tears angrily with the pad of her thumbs and wiped the snot with the sleeve of her dress, how cute and queen-like she must've looked right then. She turned to the man who'd obviously seen the whole scene and was about to let out a snarky comment when the man beat her to it.

"You don't have to say anything, just drink this, you need it the most in here," the man pushed the cup closer to her and she stared at him for a few moments before picking the cup with both hands and bringing it to her lips, taking the first sip carefully as if to test the temperature. Finding it cold enough to her liking she took big gulps of the drink drowning in the bitter taste of brown ale until she finished it and gave the cup to the man nodding her thanks. The man laughed wholeheartedly as he stared at the empty cup on his hands.

"I'm Little John."

"I know who you are."

Little John was quite taken aback by the coldness that came from her words. If he were true with himself he was expecting this, a bitter queen pissed off at the world when they found her and Snow White in the woods. He nodded and stared far ahead. A few moments of uncomfortable silence fell upon them, until Little John turned to her, _You have the touch of a mother_, he said swallowing afterwards. At her sigh, he nodded once again, that just confirmed his thoughts. Snow White had said something to the Merry Man a few weeks ago after they saw her interaction with Roland.

"I know how you feel," he murmured staring at his clasped hands, at her disapproval he continued "I lost a son of my own," he noticed Regina stay quiet and still, tensing up at the mention of that, "He was 9 and he loved to ride horses and so this one day we went riding and he was so happy," he let out a tearful laugh, "suddenly he's on the ground clutching to his tiny head. All I remember is my son dying in my hands," he let out a loud trembling sigh, "It's been 6 years since that and not a day goes by that I don't find myself missing him, but Regina, I moved on because I knew, God help me, I knew my son wouldn't have love to see his papa being sad for the rest of his life because of his parting with the Gods."

Regina had tears of her own streaming down her face as she covered her mouth in order to suppress the sobs that were slowly building up inside her chest.

"All I'm saying Regina, is that at least maybe one day _you_ can meet him again. You have to have hope because your son is alive and he's happy and you gave him his best chance. Your Majesty, you cannot spend the rest of your days here being bitter and cold, because you might miss out on the good days, on the good people. I didn't know your son but I do know that if he's as lovely as Snow says he is, he wouldn't have liked to see his mother miss out on life. Your Majesty, you gave him his best chance and now, with all due respect, now it's time for _you_ to give yourself _your_ best chance."

When he finished he looked at her, and the sight broke his heart. Here she was, the terrifying, pain inflicting mighty evil queen, crying unconsolably besides him, sobs wracking her suddenly tiny body as her soul emptied the last remnants of heartache. When she composed herself she took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she gazed at the stars on top of them, moments later she found herself nodding, he pated tentatively her back and nodded himself, offering the queen a small smile of his own. He stood up and started to walk towards to join the others before he turned and called her name.

The queen turned around.

"They won't hate you forever you know? Snow White and Charming didn't, I didn't, no one will."

"Why?" she muttered, confusion edging all her features.

"Lets just say that the queen I met 30 years ago is not the same queen sitting in front of me. The queen we knew would have turned that woman into a toad," he pointed at the twenty two year old girl who dropped the liquid down her back, "but you didn't. If you were still the evil queen you wouldn't have saved Little Roland from that beast, you would've helped that beast instead" he finished with a smile and she pressed her lips into a thin smile, trying to keep her emotions in check -enough of the emotional queen for one night- and nodded once again at him.

"Thank you," she murmured to him when he turned around to leave. The man stopped dead on his tracks for a moment but then he continued walking. The queen never noticed the big smile that etched itself on his face.

She smiled to herself and walked to join the others, she passed the once again drunk couple who looked at her and nodded sheepishly, at this she let out a laugh and shook her head, maybe Little John was right, maybe these _peasants_ -no, these people won't hate her forever, maybe deep down they are all waiting for a moment where they'd get to see the real queen, the real Regina, the mother, the girl full of love that Snow White saw all those years ago. With determination on her face she walked towards the fire, grabbed the hand of Little Roland -who opened his eyes excitedly and giggled- and joined the dance of the night. From afar she caught a glimpse of Robin who'd laughed at her misstep and waved at her, she waved back, offered a small smile and turned her attention once again to the boy on her left who was jumping up and down trying to mimic their dance, a big smile plastered upon his face.

And Suddenly, to everybody out there, suddenly the evil queen didn't seemed that _evil_.


End file.
